long time...no type...

hey hows it going, i just wanna quickly try to explain whats been going on with my pc (it's been kinda/sorta complimakated haha). Basically my telephone/internet provider called me offering me a 'better' deal and i was suckered into it..first they screwed up and charged me like 300 bux 4 a modem they told me would be free..charged me 44 dollars a month 4 a mobile (i didnt even want) which they told me would only be five dollars a month (after pressuring me into adding it in)..THEN they charged me heaps more a month than what i normally paid for the net..anyhoo after weeks of going back n forth, me sending back modem etc they 'fixed' my account back to where it originally was only there was a huge 'but'...see this was just basically designed to screw me over as I had been a longtime customer so was getting charged original rates from way back but their contract price had changed, and so there was no way for me to get the same gigs/net price i had before so they quietly halfed it and now im paying the same but less/slower internet so i can only look up a few things and then its gone..of course I had no idea so i just blogged away/checked out sites/viewed and uploaded to my youtube accounts as per normal and i used up all my usage ~in two days (normally i never run out... :/ so i had to wait a whole month to be able to upload again and after two days its already slowed right down again..so basically...long story short..we the little people have been screwed yet again by the giant corporation..and no, they REFUSE to change it back (since this was their secret evil plan all along) so free advice, if anyone calls offering u a 'better deal' HANG THE PHONE UP...its a total scam ..i learned this the hard way and now im trapped until 23 months later and i will change provider..sux major time huh? anways other than that, ive been working heaps crazy lately so it's been pretty boring but i did manage to get to the shops and buy me this cute bianca Jagger/Audrey Hepburn esque leapord fur (faux) turban i simply adore :) oh and Im still trying to get my guitar operational but until i can save 4 a new amp and guitar its not sounding too wonderful hah me and technology...dont mix... hope u had a great past month and are having an amazing day as per usual :)

For those who don't have a family..or a picture perfect one even :)

hey all, here I am again...with a new life observation...ever wonder how your life would've turned out if you had been born into a completely different family? Imagine, growing up in a completely different country, knowing different people and having an entirely different life plan mapped out ahead of you. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like for just a second to be free from the burdens/restraints of the family destiny threw me into LOL. not going to go too much into it but basically moving clear across the country isnt enough distance between us at this point and Im basically the square peg in a round peg family..if that makes any sense..I was so incensed at the treatment i was recieving by people who were supposed to love me when i suddenly had a realisation...it's not your family who make you, you are what you make yourself. They will always have their preconcieved misconceptions about me but I cant blame them for my fears/insecurities, furthermore if i let these fears/insecurities and issues rule my life I'll be following their poor example by personal choice and I'll definetly have no one else to blame but myself. Sometimes it's easier to just glide by in life but Im trying to gain the courage to live my life as opposed to drift along, it's harder than it sounds for some..me especially. So you cant pick your family..who cares, you CAN choose what sort of life you want to live. I just have to sort of electric shock my brain and try to retrain it to follow MY way of thinking, as opposed to their forced way of thinking and operating. Ill keep spreading as much positivity as I can find in myself and hope that others will spread some back to me, then it'll be a win, win situation :) im no expert this is just a place where I can put my thoughts into some random order and hope they make sense to me in a few days when I come back after calming down from being extremely upset/pissed off n have a read, Kind of like an open diary I guess..and you all get 1st dibs on reading it..(poor u haha) in other news, I tried out a chocolate masque today..which kinda sounded awesome cuz i thought it would smell and taste like chocolate, but it only smelt like a weird burnt plasticky scent (ugh) and wasnt like the couvetoure chocolate I was expecting, but my skin did feel great after wards..but I much would've preferred melting some chocolate down and pouring it onto my face (or just eating it...) LOL. Anyway, this brings me to a new junction in my life where I basically have to stop being afraid of everything, so for the next 10 weeks i have to make myself do something scary I would normally be to afraid to do. My list of fears is probably longer than most people would ever imagine, (I rarely leave my house even..) but Im gonna think up what I can do..I dont have much cash so anything I try will have to be pretty inexpensive..and Im not game 4 jumping off of a platform or leaping from a plane yet..Ill work up to that LOL... but if you have any ideas, let me know, and Ill blog some pix of me trying to break outta my fear shell, so I can finally stand up and be the girl I am... so I guess my new motto is..no fear?? ( I say with trepidation haha) hope you are all having an awesome day as per usual and thanks so much for following..I wish u all an awesomely amazing tomorrow!! :)

ps, here's possibly the ugliest pic of me ever posted of me trying out the chocolate masque....have a laugh on me :) oh n 1 of my new hair...but I wanna go back to blonde already LOL typical me!!

hey hows it going..4 some reason blogger aint letting me reply to comments GRRR have to find a way to do this again cuz b4 i could reply as myself but now for some reason it wont...i may have to move my blog to somewhere where i DONT have to hack the system to reply to u all..anyways, thanx 4 the kind comments it means so much to know that there are some 'normal' people out there and i am truly grateful :) ok..well, whew! now to figure out how to hack this bloggie thing again LOL thanx again!! :D

hi!!

hey, long time no see, been working thru a lot of issues plus emotional crap and havent wanted 2 annoy any of u with the details so havent been on 4 a while but hopefully, well, things appear to be taking an upward turn so im just gonna play it out by ear n see how it goes. Thanx 4 standing by :)went to see the King Tut exhibition at the melbourne Museum which was awesome (and hurt my feet a LOT) so trying to get my cash saved up to a point where i can see all the rock 'n' roll/art museums im dying to get out to..1st stop im def making is to go to Draculas eat some good food and watch an amazing horror filled show..sounds like fun huh? cant believe i wasted so much time waiting 4 people who turned out to be false. Now Im gonna go to see whatever i want when ever i want and i suggest everyone take that advice from now on too..life is too short to spend it waiting on someone elses agenda, if u wanna do something, DO IT and dont let anyone elses emotional baggage get in your way.Be compassionate/kind but dont let it destroy your life, u need to take care of yourself to take care of others..weird but true, too bad i seemed to have learnt that lesson the hard way..anyways..im gonna get me some sleep, ill keep u posted on my next lot of adventures and endeavours as soon as i work out the fine details so they'll work out good, i refuse to put my time and effort into anything unless i know the end result will be as close to perfect as possible so thats why it takes me a hella long time haha. Well thats it from me for now, have a great evening/day and i leave u with 1 quote that has served me these last trying few weeks..carpe diem!!

:)

hey everyone..sorry long time, no post..been dealing with a whole mountain load of personal shit which I dont really wanna bother anyone else with but so far so good. Spent an amazing day just sitting on the lake..soundz boring to most but u know what..i'd prefer that over spending a bajillion dollars on a shopping trip in new york, u know...i mean u get a truer source of happiness just staring at the swans skimming over the lake or lazing back on the grass staring up at the vivid green leaves stark contrast against a postcard blue backdrop of a perfect autumn days sky its real...thats something no amount of money can buy, thats for damn sure :) well, now that im done sounding like a dodgy

self help book LOL Im gonna get back to practising my guitar..still havent worked up enough gutz to actually play it in front of anyone (and probably never will?) but loves the solitude of endless scales and searing solos on a sunny autumn day nonetheless..hope u all had an amazing day also..and when u get stressed out/freak out, try finding a lake somewhere, just ignore everyone/everything else thats goin on, plug in your fave tunes, lean back n watch all that crap just dissolve away :) ps heres a pic i 'gimp'd' of some of my inspirations and random colour schemes..oh n threes a special appearance in there of my fave guitar :)

Hard lessons Learned In Life...

Sometimes as u wander your way through life not really paying attention to whats going on around you, or maybe you you've drifted off so far from yourself you find yourself losing sight of who you really are....Sometimes you trust people more than they deserve, or sometimes you find it so hard to trust yourself that you find it difficult to trust other people. Truth is theres no pure hard and fast way to know that who you view as your friends or confidants are truly worthy of that honour or not..all you can do is put your hope, faith and heart in a little glass jar and shakily hand it to someone you somehow deemed worthy enough to trust with most of your deepest secrets.Unfortunetly for me and so many people in my position over the course of 2 sleepless nights and days someone chose to smash that glass jar.. then to further the insult they proceed to trample on my faith and hope and stab my heart through with a thousand daggers...with little or no thought or respect to my feelings. As i paced the hallway livid with anger, and my heart crushed with such intense hurt i realised that it started to bring up all the thoughts and anger that i had pushed aside from other people who had done the same thing.Only it was slightly different. This definetly hurt more because the reason for the attack was completely unfounded. Reflecting back i thought about how I felt then and how I felt now..Anger can release itself in so many different ways but inevitably when you sum it all up anger as an emotion can only manifest in 1 form and that is pure negativity. Anger, hate,depression,withdrawal and spite are all forms of negativity that can and will occur if u allow yourself to be overtaken by that 1 emotion.So to cut a very long story short I decided there and then that no longer was I to exert such a negative force on my life, towards another person or place or myself. From this moment on I decided to channel that energy into a positive form and focus that positivity into something ive never really focused on before. MYSELF. My whole life Ive been too scared of trying anything, because everytime something remotely good happened to me i would lose friends or cause people to be upset or jealous or enraged (all negative forms by the way) so i put down my guitar, put down my artwork, put down my cosmetology skills and let other people copy my dreams,my personality and my aspirations, and do well whilst Ive sat and watched in the sidelines..well, no more..Im gonna focus on being the best me (the ONLY me) there can be - no matter what people do to try to bring me down. I shall make positivity my new life motto and I shall spread it to all I see, living negatively is no way to spend your life, even if you feel you were accused or hurt, even if you feel you were wrong or right, even if you feel downtrodden and especially even if youve been so hurt by the people around you that are MEANT to support and nurture you.The more positive thoughts you send to all you meet, all you love and all you dislike the more positivity will come back around to you, and seeing how I havent exactly tried very hard this month and so many exciting things have happened already I can only imagine such great things that will be waiting for me around the corner..well, not only for me but for everyone esp if you are hurt, angry and even especially to the people who choose to hurt you because maybe if something positive happens in their life they will start to feel some sort of compassion in their lives and might actually think twice before doing that to someone else further down the track, you never know where life will lead you and inevitably you always meet the same people on your way down that u trampled on when you were on the way up. And that goes for us all, so hopefully if we all deal with each other in a positive light we will all move up in life on to bigger better and greater things, living our dreams to the full and NOT kicking the people who were already down to begin with..not cool.. a wise man once quoted that 'a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.' Walter Winchell. Ive always held this as a true representation of what a true friend should be..from now on I will look 4 this as my basis for forming new friendships instead. After all if we all have the same base/beliefs then all our faults and /or differences wont mean a thing theyll just be what makes the friendship interesting but more importantly, ill be sure to make for damn certain that the person I choose to protect my lil glass jar full of hope, faith and heart is worthy of such a responsible and precious task. I hope u all make sure that who you trust are responsible enough and complete in heart enough to care for you back as this is what true dreams are made of and where you will find much enrichment in your life.

Disclaimer: those who constantly get offended by text for no reason at all, this is about an emalgamum of people/events in my life not just 1 event. Im drawing on how i was affected by what happened in the last two days and my earlier life not on the actual people who did said things or what they did or didnt do..water under the bridge...its just a reflection on how I shouldve/couldve lived my life differently to avoid getting into these scrapes..I have just used these last 2 days and events in my earlier life as an example. This is meant more for my own advice than anyone elses and I mean no ill will to anyone

WOOOHOO

hey peeps..off on a trip soon n im sorta excited 4 half of it but...not so excited to see my family so much haha..im gonna see my lil bro get married which will be cool but weird how everyone u intensely dislike tends to show up to these gatherings huh?? LOL anywayz who cares..im a kick my shoes off n have me a total blast with my bestie who i havent seen for 3 (4?) cant remember now years...but A LOOOOONG time n is my main reason for going...(due to the fact that i LIKE her and no halfwit morons will be around to wreck the day like at my brothers wedding HAHA) Planning as much jamm paced excitement in the two days i will be there and am seriously hoping neither of the planes crashes n takes me out b4 my time as i will be SUPER p'd off!!LOL my life is kinda/sorta startin to pick up n dont want it to end just yet..im super paranoid at flying can u tell?? LOL but as with all fears the only way thru it is to push yourself off of the diving board n jump off into the deep end n see what happens oncce your thru the other side else you'll never achieve anything in life..sooo here goes it!! anywayz hope u r all havin a great time too!! till next time (and possibly some camera/vid footage on my you tube??) stay awesome n live your dreamz!! :DDD xoxoxox