Monday, April 4, 2011

Hard lessons Learned In Life...

Sometimes as u wander your way through life not really paying attention to whats going on around you, or maybe you you've drifted off so far from yourself you find yourself losing sight of who you really are....Sometimes you trust people more than they deserve, or sometimes you find it so hard to trust yourself that you find it difficult to trust other people. Truth is theres no pure hard and fast way to know that who you view as your friends or confidants are truly worthy of that honour or not..all you can do is put your hope, faith and heart in a little glass jar and shakily hand it to someone you somehow deemed worthy enough to trust with most of your deepest secrets.Unfortunetly for me and so many people in my position over the course of 2 sleepless nights and days someone chose to smash that glass jar.. then to further the insult they proceed to trample on my faith and hope and stab my heart through with a thousand daggers...with little or no thought or respect to my feelings. As i paced the hallway livid with anger, and my heart crushed with such intense hurt i realised that it started to bring up all the thoughts and anger that i had pushed aside from other people who had done the same thing.Only it was slightly different. This definetly hurt more because the reason for the attack was completely unfounded. Reflecting back i thought about how I felt then and how I felt now..Anger can release itself in so many different ways but inevitably when you sum it all up anger as an emotion can only manifest in 1 form and that is pure negativity. Anger, hate,depression,withdrawal and spite are all forms of negativity that can and will occur if u allow yourself to be overtaken by that 1 emotion.So to cut a very long story short I decided there and then that no longer was I to exert such a negative force on my life, towards another person or place or myself. From this moment on I decided to channel that energy into a positive form and focus that positivity into something ive never really focused on before. MYSELF. My whole life Ive been too scared of trying anything, because everytime something remotely good happened to me i would lose friends or cause people to be upset or jealous or enraged (all negative forms by the way) so i put down my guitar, put down my artwork, put down my cosmetology skills and let other people copy my dreams,my personality and my aspirations, and do well whilst Ive sat and watched in the sidelines..well, no more..Im gonna focus on being the best me (the ONLY me) there can be - no matter what people do to try to bring me down. I shall make positivity my new life motto and I shall spread it to all I see, living negatively is no way to spend your life, even if you feel you were accused or hurt, even if you feel you were wrong or right, even if you feel downtrodden and especially even if youve been so hurt by the people around you that are MEANT to support and nurture you.The more positive thoughts you send to all you meet, all you love and all you dislike the more positivity will come back around to you, and seeing how I havent exactly tried very hard this month and so many exciting things have happened already I can only imagine such great things that will be waiting for me around the corner..well, not only for me but for everyone esp if you are hurt, angry and even especially to the people who choose to hurt you because maybe if something positive happens in their life they will start to feel some sort of compassion in their lives and might actually think twice before doing that to someone else further down the track, you never know where life will lead you and inevitably you always meet the same people on your way down that u trampled on when you were on the way up. And that goes for us all, so hopefully if we all deal with each other in a positive light we will all move up in life on to bigger better and greater things, living our dreams to the full and NOT kicking the people who were already down to begin with..not cool.. a wise man once quoted that 'a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.' Walter Winchell. Ive always held this as a true representation of what a true friend should be..from now on I will look 4 this as my basis for forming new friendships instead. After all if we all have the same base/beliefs then all our faults and /or differences wont mean a thing theyll just be what makes the friendship interesting but more importantly, ill be sure to make for damn certain that the person I choose to protect my lil glass jar full of hope, faith and heart is worthy of such a responsible and precious task. I hope u all make sure that who you trust are responsible enough and complete in heart enough to care for you back as this is what true dreams are made of and where you will find much enrichment in your life.

Disclaimer: those who constantly get offended by text for no reason at all, this is about an emalgamum of people/events in my life not just 1 event. Im drawing on how i was affected by what happened in the last two days and my earlier life not on the actual people who did said things or what they did or didnt do..water under the bridge...its just a reflection on how I shouldve/couldve lived my life differently to avoid getting into these scrapes..I have just used these last 2 days and events in my earlier life as an example. This is meant more for my own advice than anyone elses and I mean no ill will to anyone