For those who don't have a family..or a picture perfect one even :)

hey all, here I am again...with a new life observation...ever wonder how your life would've turned out if you had been born into a completely different family? Imagine, growing up in a completely different country, knowing different people and having an entirely different life plan mapped out ahead of you. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like for just a second to be free from the burdens/restraints of the family destiny threw me into LOL. not going to go too much into it but basically moving clear across the country isnt enough distance between us at this point and Im basically the square peg in a round peg family..if that makes any sense..I was so incensed at the treatment i was recieving by people who were supposed to love me when i suddenly had a realisation...it's not your family who make you, you are what you make yourself. They will always have their preconcieved misconceptions about me but I cant blame them for my fears/insecurities, furthermore if i let these fears/insecurities and issues rule my life I'll be following their poor example by personal choice and I'll definetly have no one else to blame but myself. Sometimes it's easier to just glide by in life but Im trying to gain the courage to live my life as opposed to drift along, it's harder than it sounds for some..me especially. So you cant pick your family..who cares, you CAN choose what sort of life you want to live. I just have to sort of electric shock my brain and try to retrain it to follow MY way of thinking, as opposed to their forced way of thinking and operating. Ill keep spreading as much positivity as I can find in myself and hope that others will spread some back to me, then it'll be a win, win situation :) im no expert this is just a place where I can put my thoughts into some random order and hope they make sense to me in a few days when I come back after calming down from being extremely upset/pissed off n have a read, Kind of like an open diary I guess..and you all get 1st dibs on reading it..(poor u haha) in other news, I tried out a chocolate masque today..which kinda sounded awesome cuz i thought it would smell and taste like chocolate, but it only smelt like a weird burnt plasticky scent (ugh) and wasnt like the couvetoure chocolate I was expecting, but my skin did feel great after wards..but I much would've preferred melting some chocolate down and pouring it onto my face (or just eating it...) LOL. Anyway, this brings me to a new junction in my life where I basically have to stop being afraid of everything, so for the next 10 weeks i have to make myself do something scary I would normally be to afraid to do. My list of fears is probably longer than most people would ever imagine, (I rarely leave my house even..) but Im gonna think up what I can do..I dont have much cash so anything I try will have to be pretty inexpensive..and Im not game 4 jumping off of a platform or leaping from a plane yet..Ill work up to that LOL... but if you have any ideas, let me know, and Ill blog some pix of me trying to break outta my fear shell, so I can finally stand up and be the girl I am... so I guess my new motto is..no fear?? ( I say with trepidation haha) hope you are all having an awesome day as per usual and thanks so much for following..I wish u all an awesomely amazing tomorrow!! :)

ps, here's possibly the ugliest pic of me ever posted of me trying out the chocolate masque....have a laugh on me :) oh n 1 of my new hair...but I wanna go back to blonde already LOL typical me!!